When two people get married, it’s not just the marriage between them, they get married to each other’s family as well. As soon as you think that now is the right age of getting married, image of the right partner starts formulating in your mind invariably. Along comes the talks of how our lives are going to change post marriage, at least for 50% of us, all the girls out there! “Adjustment with in-laws” is the question mark, which everyone around you starts raising and answering at their own will.
“Your husband’s love will be divided between his mother and you”, “Banters with sister-in-law” and “Friend in young brother-in-law” are few of the topics infused in a girl’s mind even before she gets married. For years, so much has been said about the relationship of a girl to her in-laws that it has become more of a taboo now! So much so that, recently, an article in The Hindu, Breathing Space in Marriage, blamed interference of a man’s family for separation of the couple!
I agree that not having the autonomy in your own marriage does account for fallouts but outrightly blaming man’s family is like Amitabh saying “Heads” every time he tosses a coin in Sholay! In the movie he knew he had the crooked coin with two heads but in reality every coin has two sides.
The Other Side of the Coin
The story of remaining 50% of us, all the guys are out there, has been obscured for years. At max a man hears “Life badalne wali hai” before marriage. “Woh to baad me pata chalega”, is usually the reply when he dares to ask “How?”. It’s like that unsaid pact between all the men. We will never talk about it unless you are “One of us!”.
So less is spoken about the relationship of a man to his in-laws, unlike woman’s, it tends to get lost in the other hyped half. It’s like a needle in a haystack. Even if you know that there is a needle in the given haystack, it will be impossible to find it. In reality, though, if one were to compare the relationships of men and women to their respective in-laws, it comes out bizarrely similar as if one is looking into the mirror!
The Ulterior World of a Groom
Surprise! It’s like going to a bar and telling the bartender “Surprise me!”, when she asks you “What would you like to have?”. One thing is for sure – You will get a drink! How much impact it’s going to have on your nerve system is for the time to tell. Post marriage, the biggest surprise is unravelled. Just like women, men, too, have another family they have to consider their own.
The relationship with their father-in-law, banters with their brother-in-law or friends in sister-in-law suddenly become those non raised questions which were never asked. When people, suddenly, so closely related to you, start taking your mind space, you realize the meaning of “Woh to baad me pata chalega…”
The Universe in the Mirror – The Parallel Universe of a Groom
The ever hyped universe of a woman post marriage does exist. She has to deal with new relations that comes along as a package deal. But, what one must not forget that it’s a deal between two people. So, automatically, the responsibilities are shared by the men as well. When one takes a deep dive in understanding the core of it, the uncanny resemblance, as stated above, is as if looking into the mirror:
- Sasur-Damad, the Saas-Bahu: Saas-Bahu, in one sentence, can’t live without each other. They will have sweet banters among them, may pretend to be hurt every once in awhile, but the reality is that they are like those mother-daughter pairs who will fight in the morning only to reunite on lunch table. In the parallel universe, this relation co-exist in the form of Sasur-Damad. Their chemistry is of Tom & Jerry! They like to have fun with each other but in the end live happily ever after.
- Jija-Sala, the Nanand-Bhabhi: Nanand & Bhabhi are like the sisters they never had! Remember how you used to hate your younger sibling in the initial years after they were born as they would take away all the attention of the family. Nanand-Bhabhi is the classical example where the relationship grows on you over the period of time. In parallel universe, it’s the Jija & Sala, you won’t even realize when they will become friends and will be inseparable then after.
- Jija-Sali, the Devar-Bhabhi: The fun loving devar always takes it upon himself (thanks to Salman Khan as Prem) to make his Bhabhi-maa feel comfortable in the new family. They become friends as early as day 1. In the parallel universe, it’s the Sali who is the first friend of a guy in the new family!
The Truth of Groom’s Story – Behind the Scenes
Just like all the brides in this world, grooms have the pressure of adjusting to their spouse’s family as well. The fact that they don’t have to leave their house post marriage covers all the dirt and their journey to settling in the new family is never spoken of.
A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short
– Andre Maurois
The journey, though, is very exciting as it unfolds a new level of comfort at every milestone. It is as if going on an unplanned trip. You know you are going to enjoy the adventures on the trip but, at the same time, are nervous about the spontaneous nature of it. Slowly, though, you realize that this surprise of your life brings you more pleasure than discomfort.