Mystery of Marriage – The truth we were never told!

When I was a kid I always believed in the famous saying “Marriages are made in heaven”. I couldn’t spell companionship back then, but, when I looked at my parents I believed in partnership and wanted an accomplice of my own! So many times, while growing up, you hear that you look exactly like your father/mother, behave exactly like them… sometimes people even go on to say that “we are looking into the mirror 20 years back!”. All of this made my belief stronger! I will be like my Mom n Dad when i get married. The best couple ever!

Life is a fairy tale!

Most of us wouldn’t agree to this. After all, we are living in India, country with the population of 135 crores and counting. Life can’t be a fairy tale for these many peoples. I always thought otherwise. For me, it has always been simple. Never in the pickle! Simplicity has been the key. As a kid, I got enamored by tales of The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Mowgli etc., was thrilled to see my first video game (had a secret little code name as VG), loved to get time off from studies and play cricket even in scorching heat, secretly enjoyed getting teased about my “girl” friends by siblings and friends. For me, simplicity was my fairy tale!

“Life is simple” is usually what we are made to believe, if not a fairy tale. A seed is sown in our childhood which cultivates into our perspective as we grow up. While growing up, we explore life in various phases. We study, make friends, have fun with siblings and emotional moments with our parents. Slowly, we understand the complexities behind those simplicities of our life and start taking prudent decisions to excel. One thing which still remains simple is – Relationships. Most of us don’t experience a relationship for the first 18-20 years of our lives. We tend to believe in the simplicity of love, marriages and relations. The biggest testimony being “Romantic Movies”! Love Story has been one of the best selling genres in Indian Cinema for ages.

Analogy of other Relationships – The truth we are never told!

“Doodh ka jala, chhaachh bhi phook phook kar pita hai”, is a well known proverb! What happens when you don’t have any experience, let alone bad? You tend to find references. While growing up, it was mom and dad; then your elder siblings, friends and acquaintances…

With no real taste of love in our early life, we never apply our brains when it’s a matter of heart. Although, we have grown enough and seen the intricacies of life, the life on the other side of marriage still seems simple. Our references too, second our opinion!! Be it papa-mummy, bhaiya-bhabhi, didi-jiju or a dost-dostini. All of those seems to be a couple out of fantasy world. Rosy and blissful!

“Shaadi ke baad pata chalega!”, most of us hear this along with our wedding bells. Suddenly, all those rosy and blissful couples will come and tease us with the same one liner! Butterflies in our stomach, some jittery moments here and there already, and bang, we start smelling the truth we were never told!

So… what changes?

Nothing! This is the first time you are engaging in a mature relationship. The “relation” that’s been obscure in many ways for almost an eternity. The “relation” we still consider to be simple and innocent. The “relation” that’s based on references of other couples. Think of all the “first days” we have gone through. First day at school! First day at college! First day at office! We were sweating like a pig on each of the “first day”. Now, multiply that by 1000 and you won’t need an answer for “what changes?”

What we never knew, were intricacies, a couple faces once they go inside their bedroom. There are two phases to a married relationship: What happens behind the closed doors and what happens once you are out in public. Rosy and blissful life of the couples that we have known for years is just one part, but there is a whole another world in marriage which we ain’t aware of. We never understand the anatomy of a couple until we become one!

The Transformation!

We always think of being married as heavenly as it can get. After all, we have grown up watching the Bollywood films. I am sure most of us have, once in our life, thought of ourselves as Shahrukh Khan (form DDLJ)… “Koi andekha anjaana chehra baadalon mein se pukaar raha hain pata nahi ye baadal kab hattenge, aur kab woh pukaarnewaali saamne aayegi.” Our transformation from a filmy hero to reality is what makes our marriage stronger. We learn, we evolve with every new day! This is the simple mantra of life.

There is nothing wrong in expectation. Infact, without expectations it’s as mundane as it can get. Expectations with our spouse, actually, is the spice of this wonderful relationship. My wife and I made a promise to each other, the day we got married, that this is just the beginning of the celebration! We are going to have expectations, small banters, ups and down in our journey as a married couple, but we will never stop celebrating our marriage.

Small is the new big! (no pun intended)

As we unfold the intricacies of life as a couple, we start understanding that the key to happiness is not in the big worldly pleasures of life. On the contrary, small things that we do together is the way to achieve the comfort with each other.

Lot of women think that men don’t like grocery shopping or holding their stuff while they shop but, believe it or not, we secretly enjoy that and want to be with our wives in their happiness. Infact, when we see them wearing the clothes that we chose for them, we are on top of the world. Similarly, lot of men think that women don’t like indoor/outdoor games or don’t like to watch their favorite India vs Pakistan match. But, they too, secretly enjoy learning every aspect of games while playing with you or watching it together on TV.

Have you ever rolled back in time and watched any of your favorite cartoon character? (Mine was Mowgli!) The reason I enjoy watching “mowgli” even in today’s state of the art cinema is because they are innocently curated characters. I know an infant can’t survive in a jungle but the simplicity and innocence of Mowgli drives me through.

Marriage, too, has evolved over generations. Today, the most important aspect of married life is defined by “Calendar”! There are umpteen days to be celebrated. “Why do you need to depend on what day is it to shower your love?”, I have always thought. Isn’t it juvenile that you have to wait for Valentines, Chocolate days, Birthdays etc to make him/her feel special? For instance, my wife and I have this thing called “Mid Week Madness Wednesday”! We have selected our own day in a week to sit, relax and do crazy madness together. Every Wednesday is our Valentine Day!

Glass is half full not half empty!

Gone are the days where the couple used to see each other directly on their wedding night. Today, we take informed decisions while selecting our partners. It all boils down to the perspective of an individual. You have expectations mismatch, sometimes you fight but, what you should not forget, there are those rosy and blissful moments as well which you dreamt of your entire life. It’s basically, as simple as, looking in the glass of water with some water in it. What do you answer when someone asks “Is this glass half full or half empty?”!

 

 

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