“Shaadi kab kar rahe ho?”, the question every one of us is asked as soon as we enter adulthood. I don’t know what’s the big deal about marriage, but every time you see an elderly during this period, they will ask you the same question as if they are the ones under pressure of seeing us “Happily Married”. They are not, btw! Most of them are only looking for some sort of sadistic pleasure. As a result, we tend to avoid those meetings and totally distract ourselves from the topic of marriage.
Avoiding the situation, not question!
What we don’t realize is that we are avoiding the uncomfortable situation and not the question. Somewhere in the back of our minds we have been thinking about it already. Most of us just don’t want to reveal our relationship status and are taken aback by this rhetoric way of asking. After all marriage has always been the mystery to us. We have seen couples, but, that territory is yet to be witnessed. As is rightly said:
Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe.
– Saint Augustine
So then the question becomes: “What should we do?!”. What should we do to have faith in what we believe? – The belief of getting married to an ideal partner.
Roadmap in our mind
Time is always ticking!
Have you ever wondered that your day is over and you don’t even realize it? You woke up, got ready, went to work and bam!, before you know it, it’s the next day again. Time doesn’t wait for anyone, it’s the most punctual thing in the world. Time is always on time! It’s like grabbing sand in your hands, the more you try to hold on to it the more it gets away from you. With every passing day your quest to understand the right age for settling down in life unsettles you.
It is rightly said, when you are trying to find the solution to a problem, read the problem twice. Sometimes, the solution to your problem is hidden in the problem itself. Remember how our parents use to prepare us for school exams: “Question paper ko dhyan se padna!”. Many times a student will attempt all questions, instead of having an option to select, say, 5 out of 7 questions. Or, misspells a word in the answer even when it was used in the question itself!
Sometimes the answer lies in the question…
Understanding the answer to your question “What should we do?” lies in looking at each and every passing day differently. How we look at 24 hours of the day may redefine our approach of finding our accomplice in life. Most of us would agree that each day starts new, a new beginning! After a good night’s sleep, we kinda feel rejuvenated the next morning, like a new birth. We will be concentrating on 3 Pahars (phases) of the day to extend this analogy:
6pm-9pm: After spending an entire day at work, we feel like going out and having some fun. As soon as we see the clock ticking 6 in the evening we start gathering our thoughts of how we are going spend today’s evening. In military timings, its 1800 hours! Quite coincidentally, at the age of 18 we complete our schooling and are about to enter college. Beginning of our adulthood! As soon as we are about to graduate from school, we start exploring options of how we are going to spend our time in college.
Just like we would go out with friends after completing our work to hangout in a coffee shop or plan an evening picnic, we start enjoying our newly found freedom in college. We make new friends, get active in our hobbies. After all, we realize there is a parallel life beyond studies as well.
9pm-12am: This is an important phase of our day. Post work-hour refreshment and normal day to day activities are done, and, we feel like it’s time to chill with our buddies now. May be have couple of drinks before our bedtime or go crazy (if it’s weekend). In military timings, it’s 2100 hours! Quite coincidentally, you are about to complete your college by the age of 21 and enter a new phase of your life. Also, the minimum age before you can start drinking is 21. A legal license to drink in public! Most of the people go berserk on their 21st birthday. They would go out party, have drinks and enjoy with their best friends.
Just like we want to enjoy the nightlife of our town with our buddies by visiting various bars/pubs, we start enjoying the phase of our life post 21. It’s the phase when others starts thinking about our marriage, jobs etc. We, on the other hand, want to explore the life in a different way. We take more risks, are open to different career options as we want to experience the world.
12am-3am: At midnight, one of our sensible friends will tell us “Bas, ab bahut ho gayi party, let’s go home!”. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we are like “Are you kidding me! It’s just past midnight”. In military timings, it’s 2400 hours. Quite coincidentally, at this age only one of our relatives will tell “Yeh sahi time hai, shaadi kab kar rahe ho!”.
Sometimes we agree, sometimes we are like “Are you kidding me! I am just 24”.Sometimes we agree – Just like we hear our best friend, understand his best interest and call it a night, we trust our relatives and agree to get married (start looking).
Sometimes we don’t – Just like we don’t want to sleep at midnight and still enjoy after parties, we want to continue our exploration phase in life after reaching 24 and we feel it’s not the right time to marry yet.
The funny part is: just like we will definitely pass out at 3 in the morning if we continue our after parties, we will most certainly get married by the age of 27 (military timings if we jump into the next day).
What happens the next day!
This is where the trick is. When we wake up the next morning to start our new day, either we realize that it was a good idea to call it a night at midnight and sleep, or, we are too hungover from last night and we wish “If only, I would have listened to my friend”.
Similarly, years after getting married, we have similar feelings: Either we feel that it was a good idea to listen to our parents (relatives) and start looking for right partner at 24, or…
According to a list of countries by age at first marriage in Wikipedia, average age of getting married in India is 26! The answer lies in the question! It’s not about “What you should do?”, it’s actually about looking it with different perspective and being ready whenever the time is right!